Happy New Years

As I sit and listen to the nosie's happening around this quite house, I wonder what the sounds would have been? Would I be hearing some crying of someone getting up around now? Or the laugh of a little boy making faces at mommy? Or would daddy be up and making Holden giggle? That's what I wonder, I wonder why my "new life" is like this..... would I ever hear these things again? Would I ever be happen and joyous as I was when Holden was born?
My hope for 2011 is that maybe, just maybe I can feel happiness again, that I can feel the love at first sight again. That Holden will become a Big Brother, that my fears of starting my family again will be calmed with my faith in the Lord. That everything that I did, and have done in the past will help me, and that our family can continue to grow.

So I look back on 2010, and am gracious for all the joy's that 2010 brought me....... HOLDEN ADYM JONATHAN, and the sadness of lossing my precious son. But I know that he is in the most wonderful place anyone could ever be, but that comforts me a little knowing that. But it's the human and mom in me that wants him here again in my arms. To see his smile, to hear his laugh and giggling, to see his precious blue eyes, to run my fingers through his brown hair, and to kiss his forehead over, and over, and over again!
I miss you so much!!!!!!